Obi-Wan's Diary
by Bria
Summary: The private thoughts of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Diary entries are random, and could take place anywhere from Jedi Academy and the PT to the OT. Originally submitted on January 13, I resubmitted to include an into page to explain this crazy idea of mine. :)
1. Obi-Wan's Diary Intro

This page is just to comply with FF.N new chaptering spiel. My Obi-Wan's Diary isn't technically a series, as I intend to have it that each entry should be able to stand alone (it is possible that one or two entries will be a sequel to another, but I'll state it if one is), but since each title will have "Obi-Wan's Diary in it, FF.N will probably consider it to be a series. So, here's a summary of what could be:

Obi-Wan's Diary   
Timeframe: Varies. Let's just say that JA through OT are possible.   
Focus: Insight to Obi-Wan's mind.   
Summary: Obi-Wan's private thoughts recorded in his diary.   
Spoilers: Each entry could vary. Any spoilers will be listed before that particular entry.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Feedback is life! ^_^ Flames will be cheerfully ignored, because I refuse to stoop to that level. Remember, the ability to flame doesn't make you intelligent. ;)   
  
~*~Bria


	2. Obi-Wan's Diary: Apprehension and Determ...

This story contains characters created by George Lucas and owned by Lucasfilm Ltd. No money is being earned and no infringement is intended. Please don't sue, because I'm just a poor college student and have no money.

Distribute as you wish, with disclaimer intact, but please contact me before posting it on another web page. OK? I welcome any, and all constructive comments to me at: swbriatharen@yahoo.com :~)

Author's note: Ok, this is short, _really_ short. Just a diary entry I came up with while I was bored at work yesterday. If people like it enough, I may do more of them. This one takes place near the end of TPM, right after Obi-Wan talks to Yoda.

Dedication: To Hector. You're a pretty cool co-worker. I'm glad you've finally stopped laughing at me. *blush* Anyway, this one is for you, since you have that awesome Obi-Wan watch. Thanks also for lending me Gold and being so patient. I should have it back to you shorty- and I do mean that this time. ^_~   
  
  


**Obi-Wan's Diary: Apprehension and Determination**   
**by Bria**   
**Friday, January 12, 2001**

  
  


A Jedi Knight. At long last my dream has come true. And yet there is almost no sense of accomplishment. It's more like this title was given to me only because someone had to train the boy. _I _needed to train the boy. I gave Qui-Gon my word. I thought I was ready for the trials. I did pass them, but to know that I am now responsible for the upbringing, and more importantly, the _teaching_ of this boy. I must admit, it's a bit overwhelming. I have been in Qui-Gon's shadow for so long. Am I really ready to stand on my own? But I know I must be ready. Anakin and I will learn and grown together. It's necessary if we are going to succeed. And we will. Anakin _will_ be a Jedi.

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Love it? Hate it? Think I should write more? Please review in the box below and let me know!


	3. Obi-Wan's Diary: A Sense of Darkness

This story contains characters created by George Lucas and owned by Lucasfilm Ltd. No money is being earned and no infringement is intended. Please don't sue, because I'm just a poor college student and have no money.

Distribute as you wish, with disclaimer intact, but please contact me before posting it on another web page. OK? I welcome any, and all constructive comments to me at: swbriatharen@yahoo.com :~)

Dedicated to Ewan McGregor, for his kick @$$ portrayal of Obi-Wan.   
  
  
  


**Obi-Wan's Diary: A Sense of Darkness**   
**by Bria**   
**Thursday, January 18, 2001**

  
  


I watched Anakin and Amidala walk down the aisle today. I am happy for them... how can I _not_ be? And yet I still felt this sense of sadness. I wanted to be the one marrying Amidala. I do love her... I would be an attentive husband to her. But one look at them, and I know they were made for each other. That was something I accepted long ago. She is a love that simply cannot be mine. I will be a very lucky man if I ever find a women that completes me the way Amidala completes Anakin. Cerasi might have been a possibility, but she's been dead almost a decade and a half. I mustn't think of spending my life alone though.

I'm getting away from the point here... after my little reverie about being with Amidala, I turned my attention back to the wedding, in time to hear the words, "If any among us feel that this couple should not be wed in the holy state of matrimony, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace." It was the weirdest sensation. Just as the words were spoken, a sense of darkness came over me. Something wasn't right. I glanced at Anakin and Amidala. They looked happy, so perfect, and yet...

I knew in an instant they shouldn't be getting married. *_The boy is trouble, they all sense it, why can't you?_* My words, from a decade ago came back to me, for the first time since I'd taken Anakin as my padawan. A vision swam before my eyes, Anakin, robed in black, standing over a fallen Amidala. The scene was horrifying. All this went on, seemingly in slow motion, but in reality, it probably wasn't more than a second or two. I started to stand, to speak up, but I quickly sat back down. What proof did I have that they shouldn't be married? The future was always in motion, always changing. I remained seated for the rest of the ceremony.

But now that I am alone, with Anakin and Amidala off on their honeymoon, I must ask myself. Did I do the right thing by staying silent? I hope so, I really do. I want them to be happy together. Still, I can't shake this feeling....

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Love it? Hate it? Think I should write more? Please review and let me know!


	4. Obi-Wan's Diary: My Greatest Failure

This story contains characters created by George Lucas and owned by Lucasfilm Ltd. No money is being earned and no infringement is intended. Please don't sue, because I'm just a poor college student and have no money.

Distribute as you wish, with disclaimer intact, but please contact me before posting it on another web page. I must deny my permission to anyone with a fans.starwars.com url. OK? I welcome any, and all constructive comments to me at: swbriatharen@yahoo.com :~)

Spoilers: The Phantom Menace and there is a mention of what happens in Jedi Academy books 5 and 6, but no real spoilers. **This diary entry is a sequel to Obi-Wan's Diary: A Sense of Darkness.**

Dedicated to all my previous readers who requested more, especially Burning_Tyger and Theed who wanted me to write a sequel entry to Obi-Wan's Diary: A Sense of Darkness. I'd already had the idea of writing a sequel to it, but I really liked hearing that others felt the same way.   
  


**Obi-Wan's Diary: My Greatest Failure**   
**by Bria**   
**Friday, February 9, 2001**   
**** ****

I have failed once again. Amidala is dead. Somehow though,_ this_ is my worst failure of all.

First there was Qui-Gon. I let the Sith Lord Darth Maul separate us, and I let Qui-Gon face that monster himself. He wasn't alone though. At least Qui-Gon had the Force. My Master was far from defenseless, but he was still caught unaware, in a moment where I should've been with him. As a result, I watched as my friend and Master was slain.

Then there was Anakin. I was arrogant, I can see that now. I never paid attention to how far Anakin was slipping. I told myself it just a faze, akin to when I rebelled against Qui-Gon's teachings because I thought I had found truth on Melida-Daan. I know now that I was wrong about Anakin.

But losing _Amidala_? I should've protected her, made sure what she was safe. I should have seen to it that Anakin wouldn't have been able to find her. It truly is my greatest failure of all. I saw this moment, for crying out loud. Why didn't I do something during Anakin and Amidala wedding? I saw it, every single detail. Anakin, excuse me, Darth Vader standing over Amidala fallen form. I told myself then that the future was always in motion, and what I saw didn't necessarily mean anything. But the feeling remained for quite a while after the ceremony. Why didn't I trust my gut instincts? I had forseen everything that had taken place, and yet I did nothing. I should've kept my eye on Anakin. And I should've made sure Amidala was truly safe. Instead I hid on Tatooine.

I'm not sure if I will ever forgive my self for this. I've thought myself to be a Jedi for a long time now. Now however, I wonder if I'm really worthy of the title. I should have been more alert, more conscious of what was going on around me. Maybe if I had been, none of this would have taken place.

Yet, I cannot change the past. I only can look to the future. I will correct my mistakes. Luke is still an infant, but one day, I will train him. I refuse to fail that kid. He truly is our only hope now.

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Love it? Hate it? This is my third "Obi-Wan's Diary" entry. Think I should continue? I have a couple more in mind. Please review in the box below and let me know what you think! Flames will be cheerfully ignored, because I refuse to stoop to that level. Remember, the ability to flame doesn't make you intelligent. ;)


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